


Help is for the Weak

by thiccsquare



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-07-08 10:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19867990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccsquare/pseuds/thiccsquare
Summary: Duke doesn't want help from McNamara. In fact, she doesn't want help from anybody. Then why does she feel like screaming for help?





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of wretched vomiting filled the girl's bathroom. The vomiting stopped for a second and heavy breathing could be heard. Heather Duke leaned her head against the cold bathroom wall counting her breaths. Her head was buzzing and she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

Heather Chandler was fixing her makeup when another sound of vomiting came from the stall. She got startled and accidentally messed up her eyeliner. She let out a grunt of frustration.

"My God Heather, bulimia is not even a trend anymore, I don't know why you're still doing it. That was so two years ago." Chandler snapped. She leaned back in to the mirror touching up her makeup.

Heather McNamara turned around to the closed bathroom stall. "Heather? Are you ok?"

It took a minute for Duke to respond. "Just fucking peachy," she said sarcastically.

"Maybe you should see a doctor?" McNamara suggested.

Duke let out a small breathy chuckle. She wanted to let out a loud ass laugh and tell McNamara how stupid she sounded. Duke knew what she was doing. She has this under control. She doesn't need any help.

"Yeah, I should, shouldn't I?"

* * *

The Heathers were at Chandler's house having a sleepover, Duke throwing up her guts again, as usual.

Chandler let out a long groan. "Jesus, Heather! Today's lunch must've been delicious. You better not fuck up my toilet or you're paying for it!"

"Heather, this is the second time you threw up today. Are you sure you're ok?" McNamara said softly.

"Let her purge if she wants to. Nothing can convince her to stop," Chandler said.

McNamara looked at Chandler appalled. "Heather?!"

"The dumb bitch won't stop. I'm just stating facts."

Duke felt hurt at what Chandler said. It hurt more than it should've and she doesn't know why. She spit the rest of the throw up out of her mouth flushing the toilet. She walked over to the mirror looking at herself.

The outside person that looked at Duke would think, "Wow, she's abnormally skinny". Duke on the other hand saw progress. In her eyes, she was fat, but she was significantly skinnier. She wanted to smile, she did, but something held her back. Her mind was congratulating her on this accomplishment while her body was telling her to stop.

Duke closed her eyes taking a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. She walked out of the bathroom, Chandler laying on her bed and McNamara situated on the floor.

"Took you long enough. What, did you take a fat shit in there too?" Chandler joked.

Duke rolled her eyes. "A-ha. Very funny."

"Thanks, I try." 

Duke sat down next to a concerned McNamara. "So, what shit movie are we going to watch tonight?"

"The Princess Bride," Chandler replied.

Duke rolled her eyes. She was not a big fan of that movie for some reason. Just the storyline, the characters, the ending, everything.

"Wake me up when it's over," Duke said laying on the floor and closing her eyes.

About half way into the movie Duke was asleep in McNamara's lap. She was lightly running her hands through Duke's hair.

"Hey, Heather?" Chandler called out.

"Hmm," McNamara said, still looking down at Duke in her lap.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"What?" McNamara asked looking up at Chandler.

"Why do you care for her so much?"

"Who?"

Chandler pointed to Duke. "Her. Why care for her? She's not going to stop this purging thing she has."

McNamara shrugged. "I don't know. I guess… if… I try to put myself in other people's shoes. With her, if I was her, I would want someone to at least try to help me. Or check in with me once in awhile," she smiled.

"She's probably going to die before she accepts any help," Chandler muttered.

"How do you know that?" McNamara retorted.

"Heather," Chandler lightly laughed. "She's forcing herself to throw up! She's probably throwing up nutrients or whatever the shit is they talk about in biology."

"...That doesn't mean she'll die..." McNamara stated quietly.

"Heather, if she keeps this up, we'll be seeing her in a fucking casket. To put it bluntly."

"Bulimia can't be that bad..."

Chandler's eyes widened in surprise. "Heather? Do you even know what bulimia is and the dangers of it?"

McNamara hesitantly shook her head no.

Chandler laughed at her stupidity. "You may want to educate yourself on your 'friend's' problems, Heather."

* * *

The next day at school before first period, McNamara was standing in the mirror listening to Duke, you guessed it, purging. Chandler was running a bit late that morning.

"Heather?" McNamara asked. There was no answer. "Did you eat breakfast today?"

Duke did. She had a big ass meal. Three pancakes, eggs and bacon. It tasted great, delicious even. After Duke ate it though, her mind went haywire. Scolding her like she'd just committed a sin. Kept calling her fat and disgusting, saying she needed to get rid of this _waste._ Rid of the evidence she had eaten at all.

"Just a little, why?" Duke answered voice raspy and breath heavy.

"Then, why are you throwing it up? Like, what's the point of doing this?"

 _Because_ he _told me I was fat and disgusting,_ Duke thought. He _said it over and over again like it was a fact. And I want to prove_ him _wrong._

"I'm just... not a food person, I guess," Duke answered.

McNamara knew that was a fat lie. Duke was doing this do herself, but… she needed to know... why was she doing it?

Duke came out of the bathroom kind of stumbling, trying to gain her balance.

"Heather, can I have a mint?" Duke asked.

McNamara reached into her bag and gave one to Duke. Duke gladly accepted it and popped it into her mouth.

"Heather," McNamara spoke seriously. "You really need to see a doctor."

"I'm fine," Duke stubbornly said.

McNamara shook her head. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am." Duke waved her off. She heavily leaned against the bathroom sink, the counter making sure she can still stand on her own two feet. She even had the audacity to flash McNamara a smile. “Perfectly fine.”

"You're so fake sometimes. You're not fine. I know it, you know it, hell even Chandler knows it. You need to get help!"

She knew what she was doing, why couldn't Heather understand that? She is _fine_. Seriously some people just can't get off her back. She's been doing this for a year and a half now. She’s practically a professional at this point. If she's survived this long, she can survive a bit longer.

"I know what I'm doing." Duke stopped leaning on the counter and faced McNamara.

McNamara squinted her eyes at Duke like she was crazy, which she is. "No, you don't. Heather, do you know how serious this is?"

"Yes-"

"Clearly you don't! I may not be a doctor, but if you keep continuing this… this… cycle of yours, you will die! I may not study much, but I studied your bulimia thing, and you have to realize the consequences. For example, you can get gum disease, kidney disease, fatigue, dehydration, water-electrolyte imbalance, whatever that means, constipation! Death! You have to go to a doc- "

"I don't need one! That shit won't happen to me, ok! Just fuck off!" Duke yelled.

McNamara was taken back with the sudden outburst. She didn't know how to respond. She stood there for a minute, her mouth agape.

"I... why don't you want help?" McNamara said. 

That made Duke's blood boil. The fuck does she need help for? She can handle this.

McNamara placed her hand on Duke's shoulder but Duke slapped her hand away.

_She doesn't even know the half of it. All the effort and hard work I put in to get to this point. I didn't get this far to throw it all away. She will never understand. McNamara has the perfect body. She is a cheerleader for goodness sake! She has the curves, the toned muscles, the necessities to make her the ideal woman. She won't understand that I don't have that and this is the only way to get that image I'm looking for._

"You... you... why do you even care?" Duke hissed.

McNamara looked at Duke confused on why she would ask that question.

Why does she care? She doesn't have answer for that.

“Because we're friends?” McNamara stated it more like a question. "Friends help each other."

"...We're friends?"

"Yeah! Why wouldn't we be? We hang out all the time."

 _Just because we hang out doesn't mean we're friends. But... m_ _aybe_ _she really does want to help..._

There was a long pause after that. Duke felt a sense of hope. Someone is willing to help her, she can finally be free, she can be freed of this verbal hell she put herself in. Part of her though, thought this was too good to be true.

_Don't be stupid, Heather. All McNamara wants to do is control your life like everybody else. Show her that you have the control._

Duke scoffed. "You don't even give a damn! Stop lying."

That hit McNamara hard. She dropped her smile.

"Heather!" McNamara exclaimed. "How could you say tha-"

Duke shoved her out of the way. "I don't have time to listen to your lies." She stomped out of the bathroom, not looking back. 

McNamara stood there shocked. Shock turned into anger and just wanted to scream and punch something! It was so infuriating that Duke just wouldn't listen to her! Why won't she listen? 

The door to the bathroom opened but McNamara didn't even bother to see who it was.

"Hey." It was Chandler. She walked up to the mirror checking her hair and makeup. "I just saw Heather walk out in a bitchy mood. What's up?"

McNamara didn't respond at first. Then, "Why won't she listen?"

Chandler stopped checking her appearance and turned to McNamara confused. "Huh?"

"Heather, Heather. I'm talking about Heather!" McNamara exclaimed. "Why won't Heather listen? I'm trying to help, but she said I was lying. I want to help, but she-ugh."

"Well, Heather. She has a different mindset. She doesn't see anything wrong with it. She been doing this bulimia thing for awhile, so, it's not like you can say some things to her and expect her to stop."

"Ok, yeah, I get that. But what made her do this in the first place?"

"You're asking me like I know. Why don't you go and ask her?" Chandler smoothed out her blazer. "You wanna ditch today?"

McNamara gasped. "I'm talking to you about something very important that involves our friend and you sound like you have no concern for her at all!"

"Heather, I already told you she's too far gone. What do you want me to do? Sound like a broken record and keep lecturing her about finding help and how I'll always be there for her or some shit?"

"No, but at least sound like you care!"

Chandler crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I kind of don't. She doesn't deserve help.

McNamara was taken aback by that statement.

Chandler continued, "She did this to herself-"

"Yes, but why? She was never like this before. What made her start this? There's a reason."

Chandler shrugged. "Again, I don't know. Go ask her."

McNamara rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine." She walked out of the bathroom leaving Chandler alone.

* * *

Lunch was... not normal. McNamara and Duke were nit talking to each other nor would they make eye contact. Chandler was yapping on about whatever the new gossip that was going around.

"I fucking hate Courtney," Chandler commented. "She thinks she's so special from doing charity and shit. What an attention whore."

"Uh huh," McNamara agreed distracted. She wasn't really listening to anyone at the moment, mostly focusing on her lunch tray in front of her. She looked up to across at Duke. She sat there inspecting her nails not caring for what Chandler has to say. McNamara noticed there was no lunch tray in front of her or any food to be found. She almost wanted to pin Duke down and shove her food down Duke's throat.

"Uh, hello?" Chandler called out tapping McNamara's head. McNamara snapped out of her thoughts turning her attention towards Chandler. "Are you even listening?" Chandler asked.

McNamara looked confused at Chandler. "Listening... about what?"

"I said, should we recruit that girl in our group. Heather says no, but I think we should. What do you think?"

"... Um... who are we talking about again?"

"Ugh. You know. That girl, Veronica Sawyer."

McNamara still couldn't catch on. "I...

Chandler rolled her eyes. "Let me refresh your memory. Veronica Sawyer, the huge nerd and the only student Ms. Fleming tolerates. There's a rumor that Veronica is really good at forgery. She could be useful to us. Writing a doctor's note, writing fake hall passes, . It's such a good idea."

"Yeah, but I would feel bad. We wouldn't really be her friends. We'd be using her-"

"Since when do you care about being friends to someone?" Chandler asked.

 _Since you become cold and heartless and stopped caring about Duke and I as a whole._ McNamara thought.

"I-I don't know. It would just feel wrong."

"Ugh, what's your guy's problem? She can help us."

"Yes, but, there's more cons than the pros." Duke said.

"What are the cons?"

"Like Heather said, we would be using her and not really consider her part of the group. Another reason is she doesn't seem like the type of person to do the stuff we do. And hate to admit it, but we do some crazy shit. Also, her name isn't even Heather. It's," Duke shrugged, "... Veronica. Her name doesn't fit well with us. The Heathers _and_ Veronica doesn't have a ring to it.

Chandler scoffed. "Forget what her name sounds like. So, what she doesn't seem like a person to do stuff we do. She will get used to it eventually. So, what we may be using her. We can make her feel more apart of the group and plus we don't fully know her. She may become a great friend. She may be one of those nerd by day, party girl by night. Don't judge a book by its cover."

Duke looked at Chandler skeptically. "Heather, you judge people all the ti-"

"Shut up, Heather," Chandler hissed. The bell rang meaning lunch was over. "Well then, it settled," Chandler said getting up. "We will recruit Veronica to be in our group." Chandler turned around and left the lunch room. 

Duke got up and left the cafeteria not even acknowledging McNamara. It hurt her that Duke didn't even spare a goodbye like she usually does. 

"See ya," McNamara muttered under her breath. She trekked off to her biology class.

Once she was in class, she barely listened to the teacher. The conversation with Duke kept replaying in her head.

_"Fuck off!"_

McNamara leaned back in her chair. She was involuntarily frowning.

_You don't give a damn! Stop lying."_

She gritted her teeth. 

_"Why do you even care?"_

McNamara tightly clutched her skirt.

Why does she care? … She still doesn't have an answer for that. The cliché, "we're friends" answer didn't seem like the right answer. Ever since the Heathers started high school, Duke has become more of a stranger than a friend. They all have become strangers to each other.

Maybe... Chandler was right. Maybe Duke doesn't deserve help.


	2. Chapter 2

The shrill sound of an alarm clock rudely woke up McNamara. She lazily flew her arm at the clock attempting to turn it off. On the fifth try, the alarm stopped ringing. She sat up in her bed rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She got of bed heading to her bathroom. Turning on the water, she walks to the mirror looking into it waiting for the water to heat up. In the mirror she saw her hair sticking out every which way, the little bags under eyes, the deep frown set on her face. If she could, she would skip school today, but she has a math test... or was it English? All she remembers is that there was a really important test today.

She stepped into the shower, putting a big dollop of shampoo in her hand. The feeling of her lathering soap in her hair was relaxing. The constant motion of her fingers massaging her scalp made her forget everything that happened yesterday. Almost. Before she could delve into her thoughts, a car honk was heard from outside. 

_Must be Chandler, s_ he thought.

She quickly wrapped up her shower, rinsing out the soap from her hair and reaching for her towel to dry off. Once she was dried and put on some clothes, she grabbed her bag walking out of her room. Another honk came from outside. McNamara ran down the stairs towards the front door. On her way there she saw her mother passed out on the couch with an empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table.

"Bye, Mom," she said, knowing her mother couldn't hear her.

She opened the door to see Chandler's red Porsche parked in front of her house. Chandler hit the horn again subconsciously. McNamara ran up to the car knocking on the door. Chandler unlocked the door letting McNamara inside.

"So, how was your night?" Chandler asked starting up the car.

"Oh, well, you know. Mom got drunk again, Dad went off on some business trip. The usual," McNamara sighed.

"Hmm."

"How was your night?"

"Nothing much. I'm pretty sure I heard my mom moaning last night, but she always moans every other night. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Oh?"

Chandler shrugged. "It's easy to ignore really."

"Um, id Heather talk to you last night?" McNamara asked.

"Yeah, she did."

McNamara sat there patiently waiting for Chandler to talk about what Duke said. Chandler still looked in front of her more focused on the road than McNamara. She's been anxious all night because Duke usually calls her for their stay-up-all-night talks. This time she didn't and McNamara was sure she hated her.

"Well?"

Chandler stopped the car at a stoplight and looked at McNamara. "Well, what?"

"Well, what did you guys talk about?"

The light turned green and Chandler resumed driving turning left. She laid back resting one hand on the steering wheel. "We didn't really talk much. The only thing was Courtney was threatening to tell the whole school about Heather's deepest secret if she didn't put her as 'student's most favorite' in the yearbook. But we already know who's the favorite here."

"Secret?" McNamara was never informed of any secret. Duke had a secret and she never told her. "What secret?"

Chandler made a gesture of her sticking her fingers down her throat. 

It took awhile for McNamara to get it. Sticking her fingers down her throat. What could that mean-

Oh.

Oh no.

"What?! How did she even find out?" McNamara exclaimed. "This is bad. This is really bad. What's Heather going to do?"

Chandler waved her hand dismissively. "Eh. Heather said she's not really going to do anything about it. It sounded more like an empty threat to her than a serious one. She also said even if it does get out, she has this all under control."

_Again with that "I can handle this" thing. She needs to stop thinking she can handle everything. She can't._

"Plus," Chandler continued, "Courtney is a petty bitch no one likes. Always has to one up people to make herself look like the better person. Who would believe her anyway? She pulls this shit with us every year. Says she knows one of our darkest secrets and she'll tell everyone, but she never goes through with it."

"Yeah, but, what if she decides to actually say something this time?" McNamara asked.

"Heather said not to worry. She has this all under control."

McNamara rolled her eyes. She squared her shoulders and took on a deeper monotone voice. "I'm Heather Duke and I have _everything_ under control," she mimicked. 

Chandler laughed. "Well, you have to hand to her. No matter what comes up she somehow manages to get out of trouble."

Chandler pulled into the school parking lot, parking her car next to Duke's. Duke was standing near the trunk of her car reading a book. Chandler got out of her car, walking up to Duke. She plucked the book out of her hands holding it out of reach for her to grab.

"Heather, give it back!" Duke whined.

"What did I say about reading on campus," Chandler said with a voice like a mother scolding a child. "Someone could see you.

Duke waved her arms all around her. "There's barely anyone here."

"What if a bunch of people just suddenly came here and saw you with a book."

"They wouldn't because you're holding the book, not me."

Chandler immediately threw the book at Duke like it was on fire. Duke barely prevented it from falling to the floor.

"You can't let people see you reading that book," Chandler continued. "It makes you look like you are trying to pass class."

"I'm in all honors classes. I'm pretty sure people know I'm passing my classes. What does it matter if people see me-"

"We have to let the people think you are just smart by chance. Naturally smart, you know."

"Heather!" Duke whined again. She sounded like a child about to have a temper tantrum.

"I'm going to count to three," Chandler said holding up three fingers.

"Oh my God, this is-"

"One."

"You're not serious-"

"Two."

"C'mon-"

"Three."

Duke made a disgruntled noise. "Ngh. Fine. This is so bullshit," she muttered.

Duke sighed putting the book back in her backpack. McNamara was slightly interested in the book and wanted to see the title, but Duke shoved it in too fast for her to read. Duke looked back up and her face took on an annoyed expression.

"Oh, great. Here comes Courtney and her little posse," Duke groaned.

McNamara turned around and saw Courtney and her friends sashaying their way over to them. Courtney in front with her two friends in the back on either side of her. Hips going from left to right, shoulders going back and forth trying to move to the rhythm of their hips. They were pretty bad at it. They looked like deer learning to walk for the first time. At least they were in sync. Courtney came up and stopped in front of Duke. She held up her hand and her friends stopped walking getting into some type of stance like they meant business. Placing their hands on their hips attempting to pull an intimidating face. It seemed like all of this was rehearsed. It was quite comical actually. 

Courtney put her hand down. She looked Duke up and down judging her. "Looks like you gained some weight, Heather. Maybe you should try a new purging diet. My mom does this one and she saw results in just a few days. By the way, love the calloused knuckles. Really compliments your skin." Courtney laughed, her friends joining in. Courtney once again held her hand up and the laughing stopped.

 _Wow, such coordination,_ McNamara sarcastically thought.

"What do you want, Courtney?" Duke asked.

Courtney gave a tight-lipped smile and giggled a bit. "You know what I want." Courtney's voice was so shrill and annoying, it made McNamara's ears want to bleed.

"You want a lot of things from me. Can you be more specific, please?" Duke sounded like she was already bored of the conversation.

Courtney sucked her teeth. "Don't try to play smart with me, Heather. I want you to put me in the yearbook."

"You already are. Yearbook pictures are taken on-"

"No, no, no, you smartass. I meant put me as everyone's favorite classmate."

"You know I can't do that. We have to have a vote."

"I'm already everyone's favorite, so why not put me in as everyone's favorite? I mean, how could I not be? I always do charity, I do my homework, I never pick fights, I... um... do charity..."

"You already said that," Duke cut in.

"The list could go on," Courtney said ignoring Duke's comment.

Duke rolled her eyes. "If you were _everyone's favorite_ , then you wouldn't need to blackmail me into putting you in the yearbook. Just because you're a good student doesn't mean people like you."

"Yes, it does."

"People like Heather and she's a slut," Duke jutted her chin towards Chandler.

Chandler nodded her head up and down confirming the statement.

McNamara uncontrollably snorted at the comment. Courtney whipped her around so fast she could have gotten whiplash. McNamara almost flinched. Courtney turned around to McNamara with her friends moving around to still be behind her.

"You wanna say something?" Courtney challenged. She walked up to her, looking down at her. The height difference wasn't a big gap. McNamara 5'5", Courtney 5'7", but it was enough to make Courtney to make her look small and incompetent. She lightly pushed McNamara. "Fight me, bitch."

"I thought you said you never pick fights?" McNamara asked.

"Yeah, she did," Chandler said joining in on the conversation. She took high-pitched voice and started twirling a piece of hair around her fingers. "I'm Courtney and I'm the bestest person at school. I never pick fights and I do my homework."

"Oh, fuck off, Heather," Courtney said pointing to Chandler. "I've never picked a fight before and I never will."

"Then what do you call this?"

"A mere disagreement is all." 

Chandler stepped up to Courtney getting in between her and McNamara. She leaned down close to her face. This time Courtney looked small and incompetent. "Take your 'mere disagreement' and shove it up your ass 'cause we don't have time for this!"

Courtney stumbled back letting out a gasp. Her friends commenting, "Oh no she didn't" and "Did she really just say that?" 

Courtney started to fake cry. She was pretty bad at it. No wonder the theatre club didn't accept her. "Oh my God, Heather. Tissue," Courtney said snapping her fingers. The friend on the left side of Courtney pulled out a tissue from her bag. Courtney began dabbing at her the nonexistent tears on her face. "I just can't believe you said that to me."

Chandler obviously saw through the fake acting because she flat out slapped her. She slapped Courtney so hard, she fell to the ground. Courtney held her face looking up at Chandler. Her crying persona was immediately dropped and an angry expression came across her face. She got up and looked at the Heathers.

"You all are bitches! I never will pick a fight with you guys because unlike you people, I have some dignity. Don't try to fuck me or I get nasty! Don't forget I can easily tell the whole school about your secret," she said pointing to Duke. "This isn't over." 

Courtney flipped her hair over her shoulder sashaying away. The other two did the same thing following Courtney's lead. They angrily sashayed away, but this time they weren't sync. It was kind of embarrassing.

Chandler put up the middle fingers to their backs. "Good riddance." She looked at the watch on her wrist starting to head in the direction of the library. "I gotta go."

"Where are you going?" McNamara asked.

"I promised Kurt that if he finished my math homework, I'd suck him off at the library before school."

"Why ask Kurt for help in math?" Duke asked.

"He's surprisingly good at math. See ya guys later in the bathrooms," Chandler said sashaying off. At least she knows how to sashay correctly. 

McNamara turned to Duke who was looking down at her shoes. She was clicking her heels like she was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. McNamara was examining Duke's body looking from the way her hair was in a ponytail, but a strand of black hair was in front of her face, to her calloused knuckles, to her pale skin. Her skin was so pale she looked like a ghost. 

"So," McNamara started. Duke was still looking down at her shoes. "Are you really not that scared if she tells people?"

Duke finally looked up at McNamara. The strand of black hair was still in front of Duke's face covering her right eye. Her green eyes were vibrant in color, but dull in emotion. Besides that, Duke was... pretty. Prettier than Chandler even. 

Duke pushed the strand of hair away from her eye. " No, not really. It's Courtney. She's full of lies and empty threats."

"She seemed serious this though."

Duke shrugged. The conversation stopped, both of them looking at each other not breaking any eye contact. McNamara wanted to talk about what happened between them yesterday in bathroom, address the elephant in the room, but she didn't know what to say. "Sorry I was trying help you" or "Sorry for worrying about you" or "Sorry I'm scared that you are slowly killing yourself and that you would die one day and I would never be able to say goodbye". Saying any of those lines though would sound inconsiderate, rude and petty. Plus, she made up her mind. She wasn't going to help Duke if she did not deserve/want it. It wasn't her problem.

The staring contest stopped when Duke blinked.

"Ah, you blinked," McNamara said jokingly. 

Duke smiled. Her teeth were all white, straight and perfect. Which was weird to McNamara because she read somewhere that bulimic people's teeth become bad after awhile. McNamara was envious of Duke's teeth.

_I wish I had teeth like that. Naturally pretty. I had to have braces for four years before they became the way they are now._

"Ha-ha. Very funny." Duke looked away from McNamara then back at her. "Look, I'm sorry for all the things I said to you yesterday." Duke swallowed. "It's just, I don't want you to worry. I'm fine really. I have this all under control."

 _My God, can you stop saying that!_ McNamara wanted to scream from hearing that line over and over again. It was like listening to a broken record.

"Ok. I guess," McNamara said quietly. 

Duke came over to her and puller her into a soft hug. McNamara wrapped her arms around her burying her face into Duke's shoulder taking in her scent. Duke smelled like minty vanilla. They hugged for about a minute until the first bell rang. All the students started crowing into the front doors of the school. Duke and McNamara broke up the hug looking at each other.

"Well," Duke started. "You ready for the History test today?"

"History! History! That's what it was. I didn't study!"

Duke laughed. "Don't worry, it's in fifth hour. Plenty of time to study." She walked into the school, McNamara walking alongside her. 

* * *

The Heathers were in the bathroom when the late bell started ringing. Duke, again, was throwing up her guts into a toilet bowl. The Heathers didn't really care about missing their first period because they had P.E. It was basically like a free period for them. 

Chandler was at the mirror fixing up her makeup. McNamara was sitting on the bathroom sink with her eyes closed about to fall asleep. She heard someone enter the bathroom, but didn't pay any attention to it. She heard Duke have a violent coughing fit and opened her eyes. Duke sat down in front of the wall, her head resting against it. She was breathing heavily and her eyes were closed. She opened them looking straight ahead. Her eyes looked glassy like there wasn't a real person inside of her. As Duke rested against the wall, her body looked limp like she had died. Like someone took her skeleton and left her boneless body here. She went back into the stall to continue her purging. The sight hurt McNamara.

_How could she not want help. She looks like she's in pain. I don't understand._

McNamara wanted to cry, but she knew Duke wouldn't want her to. 

_I want to help, even if she doesn't want it. She needs it. Badly. Maybe Chandler was wrong... she needs help._

Someone else entered the bathroom and cleared their throat. McNamara snapped out of her thoughts and saw Ms. Fleming standing in front of the door with her arms crossed, a stern expression on her face.

"Well, if it isn't my three favorite students," she said. She pointed at Chandler, "The Disruptive Heather," then at McNamara, "The 'Can't write a sentence correctly' Heather," then at Duke, "and the Good Heather."

Duke vomited at the last comment as if on cue. 

"Oh, don't worry, Heather. That was a compliment," Ms. Fleming smiled. She turned back to Chandler and McNamara. "Did you guys not hear the bell? Class is starting. Go to class."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Fleming," Chandler said. "But our dear friend, Heather Duke wasn't feelin the best. So, we decided to help her."

"Well, do you have a hall pass," Ms. Fleming asked outstretching her hand. All the Heathers stayed silent. "Guess not. You guys just earned yourselves a week's detention. Except for you, Heather," she pointed to Duke. "You can get three days."

"Um... actually, M-Ms. Fleming," a voice said. Everyone looked toward the first bathroom stall where a girl stood there cautiously like she walked into forbidden territory. "We all have a hall pass. I-I have it right here." The pass slipped out of her hand falling to the floor. She scrambled to pick it up handing it to Ms. Fleming.

Ms. Fleming snatched the pass out of her hand so hard it made the poor girl flinch. She looked it over frowning. "Yearbook committee?" she asked. "Who would have guessed?" She forcefully gave the paper back to the girl. "Guess you guys are free this time. Just get to class when you can." She walked out of the bathroom.

Chandler looked over at the girl and the girl shrunk under Chandler's gaze. The girl had dark brown hair and blue eyes. She wore a denim jacket with a long skirt that had a flowery pattern on it and a multicolored scarf around her neck. Fashion was clearly not the girl's strongest suit. Chandler took the pass out of the girl's hand examining it.

"Impressive. You're that forgery girl aren't you? Veronica, was it?"

The girl blushed looking away, rubbing the back of her neck. "Yeah. I'm Veronica. H-How'd you know?"

"A person who can forge things becomes big news pretty fast. Plus, we were thinking about bringing you into the group."

Veronica's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really?"

"Yep. Now," Chandler said looking veronica up and down. She waved her hand up and down her body. "We need to fix this. It won't work for the dress code we have in this group."

"Oh, ok. Um-" Veronica looked at what she was wearing. It was kind of ugly. 

"After school, we're gonna go to my house and give you a makeover. Ok?"

"I don't have a car-"

"Heather can drive you, right Heather?" Chandler said to Duke.

Duke lifted her hand making a thumbs up symbol towards them.

"Great," Chandler said clasping her hands. "We're gonna make you... not as ugly."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey! Hey! Heather, wait up for me," Veronica yelled running through the crowd of students in her way.

Duke didn't wait for Veronica and kept on walking. "Hurry up, you pillowcase!" Duke yelled back.

Veronica picked up her pace, booking it to Duke's car. She arrived just as Duke was opening the driver's side of the door. 

"Wow, you could be the Flash's cousin," Duke said dryly.

Veronica was bent over, hands on her knees and breathing like an angry bull. She put her hand up to speak then put it down to catch her breath. A few coughs and gulps here and there later, she looked up at Duke. "... Hey... where's Heather and Heather?" she asked.

She straightened herself out walking up to Duke's car. Well... attempted. When she took the first step she tripped over herself, her face colliding with the side of Duke's car.

"Veronica!" Duke shrieked. She stomped over to the other side of the car, examining the place where Veronica hit her face. "You pillowcase! You could've dented it."

"Really? My face could be broken and all you worry about is your car?" Veronica asked, clutching her face so hard, she was leaving indents of her fingernails on her skin.

"I was joking," Duke said. "I think I'm funny."

"Well, you're not. No one was laughing."

Duke shrugged. "I was laughing, so that means the joke was funny."

"I didn't hear you-"

"On the inside, Veronica." Duke pointed at her chest. "On the inside."

Duke knelt down to the ground, sitting next to Veronica. She gently pulled Veronica's hand away from her face. Fortunately, she didn't have a broken nose or blood coming out. Veronica's face looked fine. Duke took her pointer finger and lightly dragged it across Veronica's face from her forehead to the tip of her nose. She did that motion two or three times before reaching in her bag bringing out a cold bottle of water.

"Your face doesn't seem broken," she announced. Duke placed the bottle between the bridge of Veronica's nose and her forehead. Duke took her hand away letting the bottle balance. "If your face was broken. Heather would kick you out. So, you got lucky."

Veronica grunted in response.

Duke patted her shoulder. "Ok, c'mon, get up. Heather is gonna yell at us if we're late and I don't think you want to get on her bad side."

Veronica silently got in the car. Duke put the gear in reverse driving away from school. For the first few minutes of the car ride it was silent. Duke not making any attempt to talk and Veronica was too nervous and awkward to say anything. She didn't know what to. She was in a car with the infamous Heather Duke! How could she not be nervous?

"So, um..." Veronica started. She wiped her sweaty palms against her skirt. "How was your day?"

Duke gave her a side-eye look then looked back at the road. She didn't respond at first. Then, "I don't know. Good I guess."

"T-That's cool."

They stopped at a stoplight, watching cars go pass. Duke turned her towards Veronica making her flinch. She's never looked at the Heathers face to face before today in the bathroom. Only from the side or behind. It made her feel so small. 

Duke smiled a little bit. ( _Oh my God, one of the Heathers smiled at me!_ ) "Veronica, I'm not going hurt you."

Veronica looked down in her lap embarrassed. "I know, I know. It's just you all look and seem so intimidating. Like right now you look mad. Either that or you have a bad case of resting bitch face. N-Not that's a bad thing, I just-"

The stoplight turned green and Duke looked away from Veronica. She drove the car straight.

"Veronica. You talk too much. Are you nervous?"

"Of course! You guys are the Heathers. You could ruin my life with a snap of your fingers. I don't want to make a bad impression."

"Too late. You already are. For me at least."

Veronica grimaced. "Sorry."

"I'm joking. My humor is flat like ninety-five percent of the time," Duke said as she pulled up in Chandler's driveway.

"Oh..."

Duke unbuckled her seatbelt turning to face Veronica. Veronica moved her body back hitting her head against the window.

"Dude," Duke said. 

Veronica rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry…"

"Whatever. Look, you need to stop flinching every time we look at you. We're not as scary as you think."

"Uh-huh."

"We all have our problems. We just don't talk about it. We're literally just girls in high school trying to get by."

"Not you're not," Veronica stated like it was a fact. "You're more than that. You guys are the Heathers! The cool girls, the pretty girls, the 'I can ruin your life with a snap of my fingers' girls."

Duke frowned. "Is that all you think we are?"

"Well, no. You guys are the smart girls too. I've seen your guy's grades. You guys are like, naturally smart or something."

 _So, that's what Heather was talking about,_ Duke thought. 

"Why do you that?"

"Do what?"

"Idolize us to the point we don't even sound real in your mind."

"Uh-"

"Veronica," Duke said placing a hand on Veronica's shoulder. "We're not gods. We're not immortal beings that were put on earth. Again, I say, we are girls in high school trying to get out of this shithole just like you. Ok?"

"Well, it's not my fault I think of you that way. Everyone does! You guys made this image of yourselves that I can't imagine you as anything else."

Duke honestly felt offended. "...You think I wanted to be like this?"

Veronica widened her eyes. "S-Sorry! I didn't meant it like that-"

Duke got up close so close if Veronica turned her head a certain way they would be kissing. "You don't anything about us. You don't know what goes through our heads every second of the day, do you?"

Veronica frantically shook her head.

"It's not so cut and dry as think, _Veronica_ ," Duke growled. She pulled back opening her door. "Understand?"

Veronica nodded trying desperately not to cry. "O-Ok. Yeah, um... sorry for doing that..."

 _I want to join the Heathers, I say. I don't want to make a bad impression, I say,_ Veronica mocked herself in her head.

Duke looked away. "It's fine. And stop saying sorry."

"Sorry. Shit, sorry. Wait, I'm so sorry-oh my God, I'm sorry-" 

"Just shut up."

"...Sorry..."

Duke rolled her eyes getting out of the car. They walked up to the door and Veronica was instantly amazed by it. It was so large. Now that she actually paid attention to her surroundings, the house was humongous. Three stories high and the house seemed it could take up three football fields. Duke knocked on the door, more like banged, waiting for an answer.

Duke sighed. "Veronica, I want to like you. You seem cool, but keep your fucking mouth shut or you're gonna get yourself in trouble. Especially if you say the wrong thing to Heather."

"Chandler?"

"Yeah…"

Veronica started picking at her nails. "Yeah, ok. Thanks..." 

The door finally opened with Chandler and McNamara on the other side. 

McNamara smiled. "We were starting to worry you guys got murdered or something."

"This dumbass hit her face against my car," Duke pointed to Veronica.

Veronica blushed. rubbing the back of her neck. "I-It was an accident. Sorry..."

"Veronica," Duke groaned.

"Shit... my bad."

Chandler shrugged. "Come in, I guess."

Duke and Veronica walked into the house. Veronica immediately felt out of place. The ceilings felt like they were twenty feet high. There was a flat screen TV on the living room wall with various pieces of furniture surrounding it. To the left of her there was a stairway that looked like it came out of a Disney movie. Like, Cinderella... she felt like she walked in a modernized version of Cinderella's house. 

"Veronica, you coming?" Chandler said. 

Veronica wordlessly followed the Heathers upstairs into Chandler's room. When Chandler opened the door, Veronica instantly felt like she found the devil's cave. It was so... red. Red everywhere. The bed was red, the desk was red, the walls were red, hell even the lampshade was red. 

"Very red," Veronica commented. "It must be your favorite color."

"Actually, my favorite color is purple. So, you ready to start?"

Veronica opened her mouth, but Chandler started talking before she could get a breath out.

"I'll take that as a yes. Where should we start first?" Chandler asked.

"Clothes?" Duke suggested.

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, we should. To put it bluntly, you look like Ms. Fleming's cousin... well, that would be an insult to Ms. Fleming's cousin. Stand over there," Chandler carelessly pointed near her bed.

Veronica timidly stood there waiting for Chandler to pick out some clothes. Chandler went into her closet pulling out a bag. She pulled out a blue blazer, a white button up shirt and a black skirt.

"Um, Heather?" McNamara questioned. "Has that bag always been in there."

"Maybe about a year. You don't know how long I've been dreaming of this day."

Chandler went up to Veronica sizing up the clothes on her. Coincidentally, they were exactly Veronica's measurements.

McNamara raised her eyebrows. "They fit perfectly."

Veronica looked down at the outfit. "I don't like it," she blurted.

Chandler, shocked, took a step back. Duke was trying not to laugh and McNamara winced. Veronica had a feeling she fucked up.

"What do you mean?" Chandler inquired.

"Well, I mean... the outfit looks good, it's just we all would be wearing the same outfit but different colors. Won't that be like an old style or something. Why not spice it up a bit?"

"Because this is out dress code. We literally trademarked this outfit. We stick to it everyday. Makes us look professional, you know."

"Professional for what?"

"Sucking dick," Duke muttered.

Chandler snapped her around towards Duke. Duke was pretending she didn't say anything by looking down at her shoes. McNamara was trying to stifle a laugh behind her hand.

"As I was saying," Chandler continued. "It's our dress code so don't fuck with the dress code."

"Ok..."

"While you put that on, I'm gonna order some pizza because why the hell not."

Veronica stood there not moving.

"Well? Go in the bathroom," Chandler motioned.

"O-Oh! Yeah! The bathroom. Not right here in front of you guys," Veronica said. She went into the bathroom shutting the door. 

Inside the bathroom it was red just the bedroom. Even the toilet was red. How do you do that? Veronica undressed and dressed herself into the new clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, she looked ten times better. She started to model in the mirror doing different poses like she was getting her picture taken for a magazine. She must have been too long because she heard Chandler shout;

"How fucking long does it take you to point on some damn clothes!"

Veronica snapped out of her model phase picking up the clothes on the floor. She walked out of the room and all he Heathers looked at her with faces of approval.

Chandler smiled. "Looks like Ms. Fleming's cousin finally learned what fashion is."

"Uh? Thanks?"

"Now, we have to fix that disaster of yours called a face," Chandler said. She got up pointing to her desk chair. "Sit."

Veronica obeyed, her back turned to the gigantic in front of the desk. "W-We're not done?"

Chandler shook her head. "Oh God no! We got some work to do. Heather you do her hair and Heather you'll do her makeup with me."

Veronica was about to ask which Heather, but it soon became clear that Duke was doing her hair and McNamara was doing her makeup. They got to work fixing her up like she was at a beauty salon. Duke was fluffing her hair out while Chandler was putting on foundation and McNamara was doing her eyebrows. McNamara started being weird putting her hand in the middle of Veronica's face as if she was about to split it in half.

"Heather?" Veronica asked.

"Your face is so symmetrical. Like, I could take a big meat cleaver, cut your face open and I would have matching halves. You don't find that in many people. Consider yourself lucky," McNamara said innocently.

Veronica looked at her confused.

"Heather, stop, your scaring her," Duke laughed.

"No, no. It's fine. Thanks."

McNamara smiled. She resumed doing Veronica's eyebrows. 

Ten minutes later of silence and the sounds of a makeover in the process, Veronica was finally finished. They turned the chair around to the mirror. Veronica was stunned at what she saw. Her hair was laid down flat, no loose hairs out of place. It still had her natural curls, but it was poofed out a bit adding volume. Her makeup looked like it was done by a professional. Soft colors blending with her skin, no sign of acne anywhere, and a sheer of pink lip gloss on her lips. She looked... pretty. For once, she felt confident enough to go out and get a date. She was tempted to do a mini modeling session like she did in the bathroom, but stopped herself.

"What do you think?" Chandler asked.

"I... I... look awesome... amazing, gorgeous! How'd you guys do it?"

"Because we're perfect."

Duke shook her head, mouthing, "No we're not." McNamara snickered before Chandler turned around to both of them giving a death glare. They stopped what they were doing looking at Chandler. As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

"Heather," Chandler snapped her fingers. "Go get the pizza."

Duke walked out of the room going downstairs. She came back upstairs with two large pizza boxes in her hands. She handed it to Veronica who yelped from the pizza being so hot.

"Why are you giving this to me?" Veronica asked.

"Initiation," Duke replied simply. "We have to make sure you're perfect for the group."

_Oh, shit! What type of initiation? Will they make me eat something disgusting? Will they make do a dangerous dare?_

"You have to watch one of our all-time favorite Golden Girls episodes and if don't laugh at all, you can't be part of the group," McNamara squeaked excitedly.

"That's it? You are joking right?" Veronica laughed.

The Heathers stared blankly stared at her.

Veronica cleared her throat. "You're serious?"

McNamara took her by the arm almost making Veronica drop the pieces. McNamara sat her down on the bed. "Of course we are! What made you think we weren't?"

"Nothing! I just thought you would-"

"Make you do something illegal and dangerous," Chandler finished Veronica's sentence. "We were, but we got too tired from doing this whole make over. So, we decided to go with plan B. Be grateful."

"Don't worry, I am," Veronica smiled.

"Let's get the initiation started."

* * *

Two hours later of laughter and analysis of characters, the Heathers and Veronica were ready to call it a night and sleep. But they kept saying how they will watch one more episode then ended up watching a whole season. There was on slice of pizza left, no one daring to eat it because they were too full. Except Duke, she hadn't eaten all night. Veronica eyed the last slice for some time and an evil grin spread across her face.

_She must be one of those strict diet girls. Maybe Heather and Heather will get a laugh at this. That'd be cool, making the Heathers laugh. It would be so rewarding._

She picked up the pizza dangling it in her hand. "Hey, Heather," she whispered to Duke. 

Duke, who was half asleep, looked over at Veronica. "What?"

Veronica held the pizza above Duke's face. "Want it?"

Duke shook her head.

"C'mon," Veronica urged. "Are you one of those girls on a diet? Forget your diet for a second. One slice won't hurt."

McNamara opened her mouth to say something, but Chandler covered her mouth her hand. She licked Chandler's hand attempting to get her off of her. Chandler didn't budge.

"I'm not on a diet," Duke said.

"Then eat it," Veronica challenged. She let the tip of the pizza touch Duke's mouth then took it away.

Duke licked her lips. It tasted so good. Feeling the grease on her lips, the flavor of cheese mixed with tomato sauce, the sweet bread smell of the pizza… God, she wanted a bite so badly. Just a taste. She cautiously opened her mouth. Veronica was slowly putting the pizza in her mouth.

 _Don't do it! You'll ruin everything! Do you want to get fat again?_ Duke's mind scolded her.

Duke quickly closed her mouth before it could go past her lips.

_I can't believe you considered eating that!_

_Eat it! What's the harm in doing another purge session today?_

_No, don't! Don't let that thing in your body. You are better off starving yourself._

_Throw it up after you eat it like you normally do. Problem solved._

_Stop! You'll regret it._

_Do it, no one would care. You do it almost every day._

_Listen to me. This will end badly._

_Oh my God! Do it, you coward._

_Don't do it-_

_Do it-_

_No-_

_Yes-_

_Stop-_

_Go on-_

_Please-_

_It won't hurt-_

_God forbid-_

_C'mon-_

_Refuse-_

_EAT IT-_

Duke opened her mouth taking a big bite out of the pizza. Veronica smiled. The voices in her head stopped. Duke chewed and chewed reveling in the taste of the delicious treat. Pepperoni, cheese, tomato sauce, bread-all mixed into a wonderful flavor she knowingly loved. Her taste buds were screaming yes, yes, more! Duke grabbed the pizza out of Veronica's hand, eating the rest. Nearly devouring the thing like an animal. After she was done, she swallowed, feeling the food travel down her throat into her stomach. Only then did the voices restart.

_You disgust me!_

_It's time to go to your safe haven... the bathroom._

_Why would you do that? Why?_

_This is wonderful!_

_This is horrible!_

_Throw it up, you fat bitch!_

_You thought you had control? That didn't look like you have control!_

_The more food you eat and throw up, the skinnier you get. It's a win-win._

_You can never win! EVER!_

Duke broke down crying. Tears and tears falling down her face. She felt disgusting, horrible... fat. She got up out of bed rushing to the bathroom. Slamming the door, she went to the toilet bowl sticking her fingers down her throat. She gagged a couple of times before chunks of water and pizza was emptied out of her system.

_You're on the right track. Don't stop now..._

On the other side of the door, McNamara was glaring at Veronica. Veronica shrunk under her gaze.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" McNamara semi-yelled.

"I-I-What's going on?'

"You, asshole!" McNamara said ignoring her question. She looked to Chandler. "Why didn't you let me stop her? Or why didn't you say anything?"

"She made herself like this. Heather, how many times do I have to tell you she won't stop this cycle of hers! It's part of her now!" Chandler exclaimed.

"That doesn't mean we can't at least attempt to help. I rather her die and I did something than watching from the sidelines!"

"Uh-" Veronica started.

"You!" McNamara turned back to Veronica. "Why did you do that? What, you think it's funny?"

"No! No! I don't. I don't even know what's going on."

Chandler sighed. "Basically, Heather's bulimic. She won't admit it or get the help she needs, so we don't do anything about it."

"We?! We?! You mean you, Heather? I'm trying to help her." McNamara said.

Chandler rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The point is, Veronica. No, she is not on a diet. She is a self-conscious person who has food problems and you made her have a mental break down tonight. There's the whole situation for you."

McNamara was still looking at Veronica glaring at her. Veronica frowned looking away. She embarrassed herself how many times in front of the Heathers? She's pretty sure Heather will hate her from now on.

"... Sorry... I didn't know-"

"You should have stopped when she said no the first time," McNamara snapped. 

"I didn't know-"

"You were there within the bathroom today. Didn't you see and hear Heather throwing up?"

Veronica sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck. "I wasn't really paying attention."

McNamara scoffed.

"Calm down, calm down," Chandler said. "She genuinely did not know. It's not her fault. Veronica, don't do it again though, please?"

Veronica looked down at her hands. "... Yeah."

McNamara walked over to the bathroom door. She sat down listening through the door. She heard muffled crying. Knocking on it she asked, "Heather? Are you ok?"

Duke was seated against the wall, spit on her shirt, her hands and newly formed cuts were on her knuckles. She sat there crying, her chest heaving up and down. Chocked, ragged breaths came out making her sound like a dying pig. She was a mess. A fat, disgusting mess.

_I told you, you would regret it._

"Heather, please answer..." McNamara said.

"Go... away... " Duke chocked out. 

"No."

_Oh God. Here we go. Heather wanting to "help" as usual. She probably only wants to help so she can become famous. "Young teen saves her bulimic friend. Happy ending."_

_Maybe she has sick fetish where bulimic girls turn her on. Maybe wants to have sex with her._

_What the fuck?_

_Some people are like that._

_Well, either way she is doing this for her own personal gain. It's not like we need help anyway. We're fine the way we are._

_What if it's all a prank. She pretends she care then, boom, turns out she didn't care all along._

_What a plot twist._

Duke gripped her hair pulling it so hard, she could rip it out of her skull. "GO AWAY!" she screamed. To the voices in her head or McNamara, she didn't know.

"Nope," McNamara said. "I'm staying right here."

_God, how stubborn is she._

_Pretty fucking stubborn._

The voices kept talking and talking never shutting up. Duke curled into a ball on the floor tucking her knees under her chin. She bawled her eyes out all night. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 84 years...
> 
> in chapter 1 in the bathroom scene I changed duke's reasoning for being bulimic that she wanted to make a man happy that's why there's a memory sequence involving a man in this chapter

When Duke woke up it was about five in the morning. She was still on the cold bathroom floor, her face stiff from the tears that dried on her face. Her eyes felt like they were bugging out of her head all swollen and puffy. She got up off the floor, not even bothering to look at herself in the mirror. She was slow and sluggish, groaning at the pounding headache she was having. Opening up the door she saw McNamara stretching tiredly on the floor. 

"Hey, Heather," McNamara whispered. 

"Hey," Duke replied.

McNamara patted the spot next to her. "Come lay with me."

Duke complied lying down, face up. McNamara turned to face her laying on her side. She looked at Duke with concern.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" Duke questioned.

"Well, last night you kind of broke down. So, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Duke laughed. 

McNamara looked at her with disbelief. "No, you're not."

"Then why ask me the question if you're gonna answer for me?" Duke asked confused.

"Wanted to see if you would tell the truth. But you lied because clearly, you are not fine."

"How do you know?" Duke challenged. 

"Because who wants to throw up every time they eat? And you don't look so happy when you do it, I can tell."

"I'm fi-"

"No, you're not."

Duke rolled her eyes. "Heather-"

"Heather," McNamara mimicked. 

"I told you not to worry about me," Duke sighed. "I'm fine."

"How can I be so sure? You went into the bathroom crying and never came out. It doesn't sound like you're fine!"

"Heather, I'm fine. I can stop whenever I want to. I just choose not to right now. Everything's fine."

McNamara scoffed. "That's not how that works."

"I'll make it work," Duke stubbornly said. "It's fine. Everything's fine. _I'm_ fine."

"Are you really?"

"Yes." 

McNamara hooked her thumb and forefinger under Duke's chin turning her face towards her. Duke raised her eyebrows in question.

"What're you-"

"Look me in the eyes and say it," McNamara said.

"Say what?"

"Say that you're fine."

Duke looked McNamara in the eyes and said, "I'm fine." 

McNamara squinted at her. Duke flashed her a smile. 

McNamara looked away dejectedly. "Fine, whatever."

A tense silence fell over them, the only noise was Veronica and Chandler's light snores. Duke hated silence. Her thoughts would go everywhere and anywhere, even to memories she tried to forget.

_He looked her up and down disapprovingly. "You can't start high school looking as fat as you are," he said._

_She looked down at herself. She wouldn't call herself fat. She looked like every other girl that hit puberty. Some acne here and there, braces and chubbiness on her body. It wasn't fat, it was the stubborn baby fat that wouldn't go away._

_"N-No, I'm not," she stuttered._

_He scoffed. "Maybe you need to stop hanging around Martha. She's probably inspiring you to be fat."_

Duke closed her eyes trying to shake away the memory. Unfortunately, it didn't go away. It only made the memory more vivid. 

_It was bright outside, the sun had just come out from behind the clouds. She was talking to a boy... no a man. She was talking to a man who had come up to her. He was pale skinned, dark hair graying on the sides and wearing a business suit._

_"No, she's not!" she defended._

_"Keep telling yourself that," he snarled. "Hang out with those two new girls, the... the... Haileys, I think they're called. Who names a kid that? Anyway, they have the same name as you. You guys can bond over that."_

_Suddenly, she took interest in her shoes. "...My name is not Hailey. It's Heather."_

_He grimaced. "What type of name is that? That's worse than Hailey. Whatever. Hang out with them instead. They're skinny and pretty. You probably adapt some of their characteristics, which I doubt you will, but it's worth a shot."_

_"But Martha is my best friend."_

_"Not anymore."_

_"You're not my dad, " Heather huffed. "Who are you anyway?"_

_The man chuckled. "My name is-"_

Duke opened her eyes. It wasn't a particularly bad memory, but she feels disgusted every time she thinks of... _him._ So, so many more memories of that man, she couldn't count them all. Her face contorted into disgust. She wanted to hop into the bathtub to take a shower and scrub herself so hard until she'd bleed. She hated this feeling.

"It's okay, Heather," McNamara said, putting her hand on Duke's shoulders.

"Huh?"

"You seem angry."

"Oh. I'm not angry." _I'm disgusted._

McNamara started rubbing her thumb across Duke's shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something, but there was rustling heard from the bed. She looked up and saw Veronica sitting up, rubbing her eyes. Veronica saw McNamara and smiled.

"Hey, Heather," she said stretching. "Um... is Heather still in the..."

"I'm right here," Duke announced. 

Veronica looked over the side of the bed to see Duke. She sheepishly smiled.

"Uh... hey, Heather," she said.

Duke nodded her head up as a greeting.

"I-I'm sorry for last night-" Veronica started.

"It's fine," Duke said. "A thing in the past or whatever."

"Y-Yeah. I guess. Um, since you're my ride home, can you take me now?"

Duke sighed, getting up from her resting place on the floor. She collected all of her things and walked to the door. "See you outside," she said walking out the room.

Veronica got out of the bed soon after. She picked up all of her things, including the materials the Heathers used for her makeover. "It's okay if I take this right?" Veronica asked holding up the makeup palette.

McNamara lifted her head to look at Veronica. She shrugged nonchalantly then laid her head back down.

"I'll take that as a yes." Veronica hesitantly put the palette in her bag. She finished packing up her things and went to the door. She turned back to McNamara who had her back to Veronica.

"See you at school Monday," Veronica said.

McNamara didn't answer.

"Or later tonight, if you guys decide to hang out."

Still no answer.

"When Heather wakes up, could you tell her I said thank you for inviting me over."

McNamara sighed knowing Veronica wouldn't shut up until she answered her. "Yeah, I will."

"Thanks... so, uh... see you Monday." Veronica went to make a move out the door, but stopped in her tracks. For some reason she felt like it would be rude if she left right now. She felt like she should say sorry the inconvenience she caused last night. She felt guilty about that incident. When Duke said they weren't perfect, she wasn't lying. 

Veronica groaned out of guilt and desperation. She stepped away from the door frame. She looked down at McNamara who was still laying on the floor, turned away from her. "Look... about last night... I'm sorry for what happened... I didn't mean it."

McNamara turned to face Veronica. She looked annoyed but tired. She still didn't answer.

Veronica continued. "It's just-you guys are so powerful... and- and untouchable. It was amazing that you guys invited me see what your lives were like outside of school, let alone let me join the Heathers. If anyone else were in my shoes, they would want to make a good impression. They would want to make you laugh or smile. I was trying to make you guys laugh-"

McNamara scoffed in disbelief. "Well, I didn't find your joke very funny."

"I know, I know. It wasn't my intention to hurt you or Heather. I was trying to make a good impression, which I guess I already failed in that department." Veronica looked dejectedly at the floor. "I thought Heather was of those girls that are on a really strict diet. Like that new keto diet everyone's trying. I never knew Heather anorexic or whatever you call it-"

"First off," McNamara interrupted. "She's not anorexic. She's bulimic. Second of all, why are telling this to me?"

"W-Well, because you were really angry yesterday about it so-"

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me. You should be apologizing to Heather."

"She probably hates me now and probably would never accept my apology," Veronica whined.

"Only one way to find out. Go talk to her. We can talk about our little problem later." With that, McNamara turned around. 

Veronica paused. McNamara did have a point. Might as well give it a shot, even though she was scared to talk Duke. "Y-Yeah. Um, see you Monday, I guess." Veronica left the room. 

As she was walking down the stairs, she bumped into someone. She could barely see who it was in the darkness of the house. 

"Veronica?" the silhouette said.

"Heather? What're you doing?"

Duke grabbed Veronica's hand and lead her down the stairs out the house. "You were taking forever, so I went to go check up on you. See if you were still alive."

"Oh, well I'm here," Veronica said as they were heading out the door.

They both got in Duke's car putting on their seatbelts. Duke backed up out of the driveway and drove off. It was fairly silent in the car. Veronica was obviously nervous to even talk to Duke, let alone look in her direction. She didn't know how to start off her apology. She didn't even know if Duke would accept it. Veronica kept obsessing over how to start the apology she didn't even realize they were already parked in the driveway of her house.

"Veronica..." Duke waked her hand in Veronica's face, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Oh? We're already here. Cool." Veronica made no move to get out of the car. 

They both sat there in silence. Veronica still trying to come up with an apology while Duke was becoming more impatient. 

"Veronica! Are you going to get out of the car or what? I want to go home."

"Yeah, I just... um..."

"You just what?"

"Before I get out... I wanna-I wanna talk to you... about last night." Veronica's voice faded out into a whisper. 

Duke sighed. "I already said, a thing in the past. It's fine. Now, can you please-"

"No. I want to apologize. I'm sorry for what I did last night. I was a real asshole, but just know I didn't mean to cause you any grief. I never knew you had... an eating problem-"

"No one knows. That's kind of the point. Listen, Veronica, I could let you sit here all day and listen to your apology or whatnot. I'm not going to though because I don't have time for that right now. The point is, I know you didn't mean anything by it. All I ask is that you don't do it again and we're cool, alright?" Duke half smiled.

Veronica briefly turned to look at Duke then looked back at the garage of her house. She nodded. Duke held out her hand. Veronica looked at it, confused. Duke gestured to her hand again. 

"Shake my hand, you pillowcase," Duke said.

Veronica took her hand and shook it. "Pillowcase?"

"We really have to teach you about our lingo in this group. But for right now, get out, 'cause I don't want to stay here any longer."

She got out the car, taking her stuff with her. She made a little hand wave as Duke drove out of the driveway. When Veronica went inside her house, she had a giddy feeling to her. She thinks she made a new friend today... maybe not friend, more of an acquaintance or a mutal understanding between them. Either way, she was happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> Was going to put this in my one shot book but the storyline was too long.


End file.
